Absinthe and Lust
by Spyder1070
Summary: Murdoc passionately believes he's the sexiest man in the world, regardless of 2D's presence. And after he picks up a woman from a pub, he's sure once again, he's going to maintain his self appointed title, of "Mr Irresistible." ONE SHOT.


Murdoc is having the Winnie fumigated for fleas, so he has booked himself and 2D into a hotel for the next couple of days. Not wanting to share a room with the keyboardist, he's put 2D in one opposite him. Then encouraged the young man to join him in the hotel bar, spending most of the rest of the night, trying to drink him under the table. The next morning the two men hop from a radio interview, to a lunch meeting with Damon and Jamie, to go over a few ideas Damon had been tossing about in his head, before rushing straight on, to appear on a talk show. Finally the day draws to a close, and both men are left feeling quite tired and stressed. Murdoc's nerves are stretched to breaking point, after having spent a large part of the day, listening to 2D grumble endlessly about not liking certain features in his hotel room. Eventually moaning and lamenting, about how much he missed his old bed. Dropping him off at the hotel, Murdoc takes a taxi to the nearest pub, determined to spend the rest of the night, as far away from him as he can get. It doesn't take the bassist long, before he's charmed some of the locals, into buying him pots of beer, chatting and joking with them, as though they'd all known each other for years. Back in his hotel room, 2D is depressed. Moping about like a sad lost ghost, he's read the complimentary newspaper, drank a few little bottles of Scotch from the mini fridge, watched the news, and finally gone back to the newspaper, to draw funny moustaches on all the starlets in the entertainment section. That done, he flops himself on the lounge, sliding a magazine from the coffee table in front of him, he sighs and wonders why the old man didn't take him with him to the pub. The keyboardist flicks absently through the magazine, not really even bothering to look at the pages, before even that gets too much, and he eventually decides to go to bed.

Back in the pub, Murdoc has won his third game of darts and with the winnings, bought him and his new "friends" a large bottle of Whiskey to share. This has attracted the attention of a 30's something woman, who is a little more than drunk. She looks the chuckling bassist up and down, a seductive smile playing at the corners of her mouth. She picks up her handbag and empty glass, and with a slightly drunken wobble, saunters down the bar towards him. She gently bumps into him with her hip, and the old man turns and finally sees her. He gives her a quick grin, as she sits down on a stool beside him. He sees her empty glass and offers her some of his prize, pouring it as she quickly slides the glass over. She swigs it back like it's water, and invites him to pour her another. Taken aback by how quickly she managed the first one, he hesitates a little. But seeing the drunken glaze in her eyes, and the fact that her loose fitting top has slid so far down her shoulder, that she's showing a little more than the appropriate amount of cleavage. He gives her a sly grin and pours out the Whiskey.

"Soooo, wha, what's yer name then luv?" he purrs, stopping his gaze at that ample cleavage, and licking his lips. She sculls the drink again, and presses him for another. Murdoc raises his eyebrow, but pours anyway.

"Jean. Nice tah make yer acqua, acquaintance." she drawls with a hiccup, slugging back the drink. Murdoc makes a show of putting the top back on his prize, determined to keep the rest for himself. She tries to hide a disappointed sigh from him, but the old man spots it instantly. He buys her a beer instead, patting her on the knee to keep her attention focused on him, as two new patrons walk into the room.

"Jean luv, I ehhh, I don't s'pose you'd like to spend the night, in a luxury hotel suite?" he coos into her ear, gently blowing on her neck as he pulls away. She turns her head to slowly look at him, gazing deeply into his sparkling eyes.

"Ooo er'. You don't exactly take yer time, do yah?" she answers, playfully slapping him on the shoulder. The bassist grins and watches, as she slides off the stool and picks up her purse, taking him by the elbow and waiting, as he sculls what is left of his drink. Bidding farewell to his new "friends", the bassist quickly takes his date outside to a waiting taxi.

Back at the hotel, 2D is curled up in a tight ball, in almost the centre of his bed. Completely covered with a blanket, he moves just a little and giggles, as he drifts his way through some pleasant dream. Down in the lobby, Murdoc and the woman grope each other madly, as they wait for the elevator. The old man barely able to contain himself, as he whispers sleazy things into her ear, watching her chest move as she giggles. The elevator arrives, just as the bassist has entangled her in a drunken groping kiss, tugging at the back of her top, as he tries to lift it enough to gain access to one of those heaving melons, pressed hard against him. He briefly looks up and presses her back into the car, not taking his mouth from hers for a second, as he continues exploring the depths of it with his snake-like tongue. He fumbles behind him for the panel, slapping a few random buttons, much more interested in keeping her fires burning hot. Obviously a little more drunk than him, he finds it difficult to keep her from sliding down the wall, and this seems to be the only thing keeping him from ravishing her right there in the car.

The doors open again and the old man looks up, his arousal at exploding point, and more than ready to strip naked right there and take her on the spot. He somehow manages to maintain control, as he takes her by the hand and practically yanks her out of the car. She stumbles and almost falls, making him stop and look back at her. Realizing his time was running out, he steps back to her, and takes her by the shoulders, helping her walk to his room. The hallway swirls in his own vision, and he knows himself he's had a little more than he should. But he manages to shake it off and lean her against the wall, as he fumbles in his pocket for his room key. Finally inside, he watches as she looks around the room, taking the key from the lock, and hanging up the _"Do not disturb"_ sign, shutting the door behind him.

"Oooooo thi, this is loverly." she giggles with a slight burp. The bassist takes her by the shoulders and ushers her to the bedroom, slightly shoving her to the bed and watching her flop down on it with a smile. Happy now he has her where he wants her, he struggles with one of his Cubans, falling heavily to the floor with a thump. She giggles at him and hiccups, then slowly the smile drops and she looks up with concern. "Awww, I fergot my purse." she moans, Murdoc grunts with slight annoyance, still struggling with his boot.

"Who cares? Yooooou, can go get it later." he grumbles. She shakes her head in an exaggerated drunken manner, pouting and folding her arms over her chest.

"No, no. Can't do it then." she snaps. Smiling because he'd finally managed to get his boot off, the words the woman had just said, finally register in the bassists mind. _'Can't do it then.'_ He snaps her an angry look, slitting his eyes at his boot, and giving it a quick sniff, thinking maybe it was the smell that had put her off.

"Whah, why the fuck not?" he growls softly.

"I neeeed my purse. I dr, dr, dropped'ed it in the elevator, when you shoved your hand inside my knickers... at least I think that was you?" she sighs. "You go get it, and we can keep going." she adds brightly, falling back on the bed. Murdoc argues a little more, till the woman finally sits up and angrily snaps the word _'Diaphragm'_ at him. He snaps his mouth closed with a sharp click, and struggles to his feet, limping to the door still holding his boot.

"Fine! I'll go getcher... idiotic... purse. Fuck." he growls, snatching open the door again, and hobbling out into the hallway. After checking the elevator and not finding it, Murdoc rides down to the lobby, to see if it had been handed in. Back in the room, the woman kicks off her shoes, and somehow struggles out of her top. Reaching back to undo her bra strap, she overbalances and drops face first into the mattress. She giggles for a moment and stops struggling, her body slowly relaxes and she rolls over, dragging the blankets over her and finally drifting off to sleep. His speech slurred, and his vision a mere blur, the old man knows he's almost at the _'too far gone'_ point, and wants to get back and _'do the deed'_, before it really does become impossible. The man at the front desk hands him the purse, and the bassist heads back to the room. He rides back up to his floor, sliding out along the wall and down the corridor, as he blinks though the glaze, trying to see his door. Finally reaching it, he presses down on the handle and lurches into the room. He staggers into the bedroom, and there in the centre of the bed, covered by a blanket, Murdoc spies his date.

"Nuh, no sense hiding luv. I've spotted yoooou." he purrs, smiling at the lump in the centre of the bed, as he drops her purse on the floor. "Alley oop!" he chuckles, diving onto the bed in a drunk but playful manner. He bounces forwards sharply, striking his head on the side table and knocking himself out.

"Ahhh! I'm being molested!" screeches 2D, struggling with the heavy lump that has just dropped on him. He quickly reaches over and snaps on the light. "Oh, allo Muds. Why are you on me bed?"

A few hours later, Murdoc snaps awake and after arguing with 2D for, _'being in his room, and sleeping in his bed.'_ races into his own room to check if his date was still there. Unfortunately, she'd woke up before him and left, taking all the booze from the mini fridge with her. He slinks back to 2D's room and slumps down next to him on the lounge, with a dejected sigh, clutching his still pounding genitals.

"She could of at least left me a picture of it. Bitch!" he snarls. 2D stops watching telly and looks over at him, with a slight yawn.

"Wot, the booze from the fridge?" he asks, scratching half-heartedly at the back of his head. Murdoc snaps him a vicious look, and looks about him on the lounge. Picking up a cushion, he stands up and starts hitting the keyboardist over the head with it, wishing he had a hammer instead. 2D curls up in a protective ball, trying to slap away some of the blows with a free hand..

"Noooo, you moron. I don't care about the booze! It was the contents of her knickers I was interested in, you stupid twat!" Murdoc screeches, his anger fuelled by sexual frustration.

"Oh. Oomph! She left you her purse. Ow! Maybe her address is in it? Ack!" 2D struggles to say between blows from the cushion. Murdoc finally stops hitting him and sits down heavily. Although he felt a little better, it wasn't enough to make the ache in his crotch go away. He picks at the seam of the cushion, with one of his long talons, as 2D slowly unravels from his protective ball..

"Nah, just a chewed up lipstick, and a manky looking diaphragm. Just you and me again tonight D. Hope yer prepared." the old man replies with a grin, then tossing the cushion aside, he gets up and walks whistling back to his own room. 2D's eyes grow wide, and a tight knot of panic grows in his stomach, as he tries to work out exactly what the bassist meant.


End file.
